To A Friend

You come to me with tear-filled eyes
You tell me about his deceit and lies
I comfort you as best I could
But in the end, it's just no good

For I can see your marriage is dead
When he betrayed you and made his bed
When he deceived you and your love
When he betrayed the Lord above

Should you decide to leave him, so be it
Let him have that senseless twit
But should you decide to stay with him
Remember, you future will always be dim

Doubts will fill your head night and day
You will wonder whether to go or stay
You will wonder "Does he love me still?"
When his very touch gives you a chill

My friend, I can only hold your hand
Wipe your tears and take your stand
But I cannot decide for you
You must do what you must do

Think hard and deep and also pray
I know you will find your answer one day
But whatever it is that you plan to do
Remember I'll always be here for you.


- Yette; 4:09pm; September 29, 2007

Revisited...

I so miss autumn in Japan. It was wonderful having experienced it for the first time with my family. I could not have asked for a better or nicer introduction to the seasons. So I am revisiting my old post about that experience...

MY FIRST AUTUMN EXPERIENCE

"When was the last time you experienced something for the first time?" I suddenly remembered this line from the Discovery Channel. It's amazing how things like these creep into your mind unexpectedly.

This is my first time to experience autumn. Yes, my first time to experience the season and my first time to be in Japan. Talk about killing two birds with one stone. Growing up, I always read about autumn in books, saw it in pictures and paintings and watched it in movies. But little did I know that experiencing it first-hand would be a different thing altogether.

I can’t say exactly when I noticed it was autumn, but the leaves on some of the trees here gave me the clue. Not only are they turning different shades of yellow, orange, red and brown but they have been falling quite noticeably. Momiji-gari, the viewing of autumn leaves (koyo) is a popular thing in Japan and parks and gardens are usually visited by photographers, budding and professional artists as well as nature lovers at this time of the year. Festivals of harvest and thanksgiving abound and I sure enjoyed being a part of those festivities. Reminds me so much of our fiestas back home: entertaining (performances of young and old), filling (yummy, yummy food!) and fun (who would want to miss out on those childhood games?). Another thing I noticed recently was that my light jacket no longer keeps me warm during cloudy days. Yup, definite chill in the air these days. Might need to bundle up very very soon. I’m really a summer person so I feel cold quite easily. Also, unlike in the Philippines where sunrise and sunset are more consistent, lately, 4:30pm seems like 6pm when the sun sets and casts shadows in the darkening sky and surroundings. It all seems strange for a first-timer like me, but I am sure everyone around here doesn’t give a heck that it’s pretty dark by 530pm and stars start to come out. So, pardon my elation about such trivialities. What may seem insignificant to some, may be consequential to me.

I am really looking forward to experiencing autumn to the hilt. If it means getting chilled to the bone or watching the trees everyday for a change in color, then I won’t mind doing it. After all, this may be my first and last autumn experience so I might as well take full advantage of my stay here.

Bukas Palad (Open Palms)

I don't know why but when I hear this song in church it always makes me cry. Maybe it's because of the wonderful melody or because of the beautiful words but it always strikes a chord in my heart. It's just a very moving song and I always love to sing along with the choir. It just feels like I'm really talking to God through the song. Really just beautiful. This song is usually sung during Communion.


Panalangin Sa Pagiging Bukas Palad

Panginoon, turuan Mo ako maging bukas-palad
Turuan Mo akong maglingkod sa Iyo
Na magbigay nang ayon sa nararapat
Na walang hinihintay mula sa 'Yo

Nang makibakang di inaalintana
Mga hirap na dinaranas
Sa tuwina'y magsumikap na hindi humahanap
Ng kapalit na kaginhawaan
Na 'di naghihintay kundi ang aking mabatid
Na ang loob Mo'y siyang sinusundan

Panginoon, turuan Mo ako maging bukas-palad
Turuan Mo akong maglingkod sa Iyo
Na magbigay nang ayon sa nararapat
Na walang hinihintay mula sa 'Yo

Q and A

Mhay tagged me! It's a Q and A thing...

Q1: What were you doing 10 years ago?
I was still at university ... aimless, loveless, lonely.

Q2: What were you doing 1 year ago?
Having the time of my life with my family in Japan, a country I have grown to love so much! Miss it a lot! =(

Q3: What are the 5 snacks you enjoy?
kakanin
bread
fruits
my mom's chocolate cake and milk
pinoy street food

Q4: What are the 5 songs you know the lyrics to?
It Might Be You - Stephen Bishop
My Favorite Things - from The Sound of Music
I'll Always Stay In Love This Way - Martin Nievera
Sun and Moon - from Miss Saigon
Moon River - from Breakfast at Tiffany's

Q5: 5 things you would do if you are a millionaire
Get Ruther a cool car.
Travel with Ruther.
Save for the boys' future.
Invest.
Help a cause (especially one that promotes environmental awareness and protects Mother Nature).

Q6: 5 bad habits
Can be moody
Possessive about family and stuff
Ultra sensitive (but am learning to be "sensitive" without the "ultra")
Forgetful
OC sometimes

Q7: 5 things you like to do
Travel with Ruther
Make love (Oops! Adult content! Hahaha!)
Homeschool my boys
Crafts
Read, read, read

Q8: 5 favorite toys (or maybe my gadgets?)
Laptop
Cellphone
Camera
My boys' Playdoh
All the stuffed toys that Ruther gave me!!

Q9: 5 things you would never wear
Fake nails
Really low-cut jeans (can't anymore with a jelly belly - not unless I get an appointment with Belo - hahaha!)
Fake jewelry (I have allergies)
Torn tops or grunge look
Those necklaces that have spikes on them

Q10: 5 things you hate to do
Wasting time (like waiting in line, being put on hold, etc.)
Vomiting (it just sucks so bad)
Losing weight (because it takes f.o.r.e.v.e.r...)
Waiting for Ruther to come home from overseas
Techy stuff (only because I know Ruther will always do it better than me in the end)

I'm tagging Clea and Beevee! Have fun guys! =D

With Pluto

The day I became a child again. This is one of the reasons why I love Tokyo Disneyland so much. It's like you can be as silly as you want and it's perfectly okay. In a society that always approves of decorum and frowns on poor etiquette, Disneyland is such a refreshing and lovely place to be myself, to just go with the flow, to laugh out loud, to breathe, be with family, to be with people who love the same thing I do. If I manage another visit to this wonderful place, it will be like another dream come true...

My Yukata

I got this yukata at ukay-ukay. If you don't know what ukay-ukay is, I won't bother telling. =D Anyway, I was extremely happy with this find. I have been asking Ruther to get me one in Japan but of course, they are all so costly. I especially loved the really cute print. When I told my cousin about it, she was so jealous! Her yukata has black and fuschia colors and mine is so girly. So she really loved it. And another great thing about it? It only cost me P50!! Yes, FIFTY pesos. That's like ONLY 100 yen! So wonderful, isn't it? I think if I make it to Japan, I'll be wearing this at a matsuri (festival) there. I would really love that. =D

From Wikipedia:

Yukata (浴衣, Yukata?) is a Japanese summer garment. People wearing yukata are a common sight at fireworks displays, bon-odori festivals, and other summer events. The yukata is a casual form of kimono that is also frequently worn after bathing at traditional Japanese inns. Though their use is not limited to after-bath wear, yukata literally means bath(ing) clothes.

Yukata is a cooling garment to wear. Like other forms of clothing based on traditional Japanese garments, it is made with straight seams and wide sleeves. Unlike formal kimono, yukata are typically made of cotton rather than silk or synthetic fabric, and they are unlined.
Traditionally yukata were mostly made of indigo-dyed cotton but today a wide variety of colors and designs is available. Like the more formal kimono, the general rule is the younger the person, the brighter the color and bolder the pattern. A child might wear a multicolored print and a young woman, a floral print, while an older woman would confine herself to a traditional dark blue with geometric patterns. Since the late 1990s, yukata have experienced a bit of a revival, and many young women now wear them in summer in personally distinctive ways not limited by tradition. This garment is very traditional.

The proper way to wear a yukata is not necessarily obvious. The left side of the yukata is wrapped over the right side (the reverse is to be avoided as only the dead at a funeral wears the right over the left), and an obi (belt) is used to keep the yukata from falling open when worn in public. In private, as after a bath, the yukata is usually simply belted. Also, a type of thonged wooden sandal called geta is usually worn with the yukata.
Amongst men, the most common use of yukata in public is when it is worn by sumo wrestlers. Junior ranked sumo wrestlers are expected to wear yukata when out in public, irrespective of the weather conditions or time of year. During the summer all wrestlers tend to wear this attire.
Both men and women often wear yukata at traditional Japanese inns, especially ones with their own hot-spring baths. After checking in, people often change into a yukata provided by the inn. Many go for walks outside, to the public baths, and even to dinner and breakfast (taken in a communal dining room) in their yukata.

By The Sea

Another one of my very very simple sketches. I did this one in 1992. Long time ago, huh. This is just pencil and charcoal. I suppose I like sketching picturesque scenes rather than still life. I like sea and landscapes because they are easy to do and turn out really wonderfully. Maybe I'll do more sketches once I'm done with my certificate course.

I took a fun test here and discovered this:

Are you a good friend?

Your score is: 65
Average is: 50

What does your score mean?
You rate a happy medium on the friendship scale. You are a regular good pal, someone friends can turn to turn to in times of need - whether emotional, financial, or otherwise. You are giving of your time and are generally thoughtful. While your heart is in the right place, however, you might sometimes slip up and forget special occasions or do slightly "selfish" things. This does not mean you are malicious or that you intend to hurt anyone - only that you are human. In fact, your approach to camaraderie is healthy and balanced; you realize that you don't always need to place your friends at the very top of your priority list, especially when it is to your own detriment. You know that true pals will respect, and even appreciate, your ability to say "no" or put yourself first from time to time. The most important thing is that you keep the lines of communication open and build the level of trust and respect necessary for a lasting bond.

I suppose it is true in a way. I will go to certain lengths for a friendship but if I'm not comfortable with something (say, endless borrowing of money or being an emotional vampire) I will not hesitate to distance myself from friends. As much as I value the bond between us, I will NOT be allowed to be used and to be abused. That is just not how friends should be. I would just want to be able to sleep peacefully at night with no worries about "friend problems". I've had my share of those and I realize, I don't want the unnecessary trouble (and wrinkles). For now, I am happy with positive and true people. Those are the people who will be a big influence on me and who can make me a better person.

Belated Happy Birthday

Yesterday was the birthday of one of my friends. But I did not greet her. It's not because I don't like her. It's because we had a falling out years ago. It's actually really sad because there was no reason whatsoever for us to have become like this. I mean, our friendship started out so beautifully and lasted a good 6 years. After she got married, that was when it went downhill. I can't even figure out what exactly went wrong but all of a sudden, she was not calling me anymore, was not replying to my messages. It was as if she just didn't want to have anything to do with me. Eventually, I stopped trying to communicate with her (why should I keep on trying? It's like talking to a wall for goodness' sake!) and we drifted apart even more. It was only a few months ago that we started talking again but alas, the friendship was just not the same. The closeness is gone, the old girl talk and gossip, the special bond. It's no longer there. I could try to be close to her again but why should I? She turned her back on our friendship. I spent years wondering and feeling guilty and now that I am whole again, I see, it was not my fault. It just fell apart. WE fell apart. I didn't want it to be like this but she allowed it to happen. I can only do so much. Friendship after all, is like a marriage. It always takes two to tango. And she failed.



It's so sad because I feel like the friendship was such a waste. We could have become old old friends. We could have exchanged stories, shared memories, become each others' confidants. But it was not meant to be. I will always mourn the loss of one beautiful friendship but I also look forward to creating more wonderful ones with the people who truly and honestly want to be my friend.

Big Girls Don't Cry

by Fergie

Da Da Da Da

The smell of your skin lingers on me now

You're probably on your flight back to your home town

I need some shelter of my own protection baby

To be with myself and center, clarity

Peace, Serenity

[CHORUS:]

I hope you now, I hope you know

That this has nothing to do with you

It's personal, myself and I

We've got some straightenin' out to do

And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket

But I've got to get a move on with my life

It's time to be a big girl now

And big girls don't cry

Don't cry

Don't cry

Don't cry

The path that I'm walkingI must go alone

I must take the baby steps 'til I'm full grown, full grown

Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they?

And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay

[CHORUS]

Like the little school mate in the school yard

We'll play jacks and uno cards

I'll be your best friend and you'll be my Valentine

Yes you can hold my hand if you want to

'Cause I want to hold yours too

We'll be playmates and lovers and share our secret worlds

But it's time for me to go home

It's getting late, dark outside

I need to be with myself and center, clarity

Peace, Serenity

[CHORUS]

La Da Da Da Da Da

Anticipating

As September almost comes to a close, I am getting more and more excited to see Ruther. It's still more than a month away but I am eagerly anticipating his return home. I want to see him and be with him so badly. The years of being apart never helped with the adjustment. It's not true when people say, "you get used to it after a while". I never do. I don't just cry openly anymore (or rather, I don't do that as often anymore) but inside, I still get so torn up, my dreams still show my distress and my emotions are never at ease when we are apart. I always say that when Ruther is not with me, the world is less colorful, less funny, less cheerful, less ... everything. It's just not the same. When Ruther is with me, it's like my senses are on overdrive. When he is with me, everything else pales in comparison. I just love him so much. Truly, he is the center of my universe and I am not ashamed of saying that. Scold me if you will. Tell me to hold back or save some love for myself. I do that, but I love Ruther 100%. Guaranteed. Always have and always will. I never hold back. For me, it's the only way to love. No regrets, no remorse. Of course, as intense as all the positive feelings are (love, joy, excitement, etc.) so are the negative feelings (pain, sorrow, disappointment, etc.). But I still won't change the way I am and the way I love. It's who I am. And who I am manifests in my love for my family but most especially my husband. I can turn my back on anything and everything for him. That is how much I value my husband, my marriage, my love. Scary thought, right? I know. But I always knew that love is a risk. Yes it is, but the rewards are really and truly great. So why should I hold back? I will take the pain anyday for a love this intense.

I hope our future won't be as bleak. I really and truly hope that in less than 5 years, we will finally be together and never to be parted. I want my husband with me always, just as we promised each other at the altar. I know that sacrifices are inevitable but I definitely don't want to live like this forever. God-willing, my husband and I will be together real soon. And for good.

Yan Papa

I just finished watching Yan Papa and I must say, I did not enjoy the series that much. Maybe because the story was a bit predictable, or maybe because the characters did not have a lot of chemistry between them. I also did not like the way the main characters (the children) answered back to elders in a very disrespectful way. It was just horrible! Really uncouth! Anyway, I did not enjoy it as much as the previous Japanese tv dramas. It was still entertaining though so no problem. And I still learn a lot of Japanese phrases while watching so no harm done. =D

The cast and characters:

Nagase Tomoya as Mabuchi Yuusaku (the husband and young father) - acting was okay; played the part diligently.

Fujitani Miwako as Kazama Yui (the wife) - a bit over the top; didn't like her acting much.

Goto Maki as Kazama Kaoruko (the eldest daughter) - she was okay; a bit impolite for my taste. If she was my daughter I would have disciplined her ages ago and taught her the proper way of talking to elders.

Ishida Miku as Kazama Sakurako (the second daughter) - good enough acting; again, the attitude in the story irked me. They should not portray kids who are impolite, disrespectful and uncouth. That to me is really inexcusable.

Tomashino Kazuma as Kazama Junnosuke (the youngest son) - good enough for a youngster. Cute boy.

Champions!!

After 5 long years the crown is ours again!! Woohoo!! UP PEP ROCKS!!! Congratulations on being the 2007 UAAP Cheerdance Competition Champs!! I love you guys!!

Much thanks to Teresa Barrozo for the amazing pics!!

Perfect pyramid!

That's a guy, folks!

Famous oblation pose.

Grabe!!

OMG!! Is that a stunt or what?! My beloved UP PEP!! Woohoo!!

A Queen and 2 Princesses

This is a photo of my mom, my sis and myself. This was taken at the reception of my brother-in-law's (Russell's) wedding. My mom was a godparent (ninang) which is why she is also dressed so formally.

I love my family. I could say that we are pretty close. I mean, we communicate once a week at least, we make sure to keep in touch and my mom comes over to visit twice a year or if that doesn't work out, we go over for a visit. Of course, there are things that opt not to share with my mom or dad to prevent them from worrying but I still manage to keep in touch with them and inform them of what is happening with our lives. My sis and I see each other every week and we hear mass together. I am thankful for this because I don't want us to drift apart just because I have a family or just because she has a career. So I am indeed grateful that we still stay pretty close despite living apart, despite having different goals in life and despite growing up and leaving home. I love my family...

Choices

There are times when I wonder about the choices I made in life. There are moments when I think, "Should I have done differently? Should I have picked this path? Or should I have listened to others' opinions?" Thinking this way does not show regret. Well, for me at least. I just think it's healthy to look back and weigh the decisions that I have made before and gauge if it was indeed for the best or of there is something else, another option that is supposedly better for me or my family. If so, then I take a new road. If not, then I continue on my path.

Today, one of those choices (homeschooling) has once again come up into the open. Deciding to homeschool that boys has been so far, the toughest choice I have ever made but definitely one I do not regret and will always appreciate. For me, homeschooling is not just teaching the boys academics and subjects and lessons. For me, it is much bigger. I teach them values, interpersonal and intrapersonal relationships, fun and play, etc. For me, sacrificing a career is well worth the effort I am giving towards homeschooling my boys. And this is despite the disapproval of some family members.

Anyway, at the mall, the boys were once again in a play center. Being a Sunday, a lot of kids were about, so I decided to keep a close eye on them. Ethan was busy watching a Dora episode and Nikki was taking turns on the slide. A few minutes after that, while Nikki was atop the meter(or so)-high slide ready to sit and slide down, a boy behind him suddenly PUSHED him. I do not exaggerate the "push". It was so strong, Nikki toppled over and fell on the left side of the slide. I (almost) screamed "OH MY GOD!!!" And rushed to Nikki. It was a good thing the floor was padded, the slide was low and the side of the slide broke Nikki's fall or it could have been a lot worse. In my mind's eye, I could see Nikki falling in slow motion as I tried to hurry towards him. It was a really sickening feeling. Fortunately too, the mom quickly and sharply reprimanded her son. If she didn't I would have scolded him myself but instead, I just told the boy to "Play nice next time, ha?" Then I asked Nikki if he was okay. He tearfully said he was and I told him to keep an eye on mean kids. I want him to learn to be resilient in situations like this. I want him to know that should anything happen to him, I will be there but he should also learn to stand on his own.

What happened today made me realize that focusing on my boys and watching them grow is more important than sending them to schools and exposing them to bullies and other negative things. It made me realize that choosing to homeschool is still my choice at this time. Sure, the boys need to experience these things to learn how to deal with them but I want to make sure that they are ready for it. I want to make sure that no matter what they encounter, their self-esteem remains intact and they always know right from wrong. If my kids grow up to be respectful, God-fearing boys, then I know I'm on the right track.

September 15

It's September 15 today. I cannot believe the month is halfway over. I mean, where did the days go? In a few weeks, it will be October. Then Halloween will be celebrated. After that it's off to the cemeteries for All Saints' and Souls' Day. And then in a few more weeks it will be Christmas! Yipee! I can't wait!! Decorating the house will probably begin by the first week of November although if this were my home, it will be decorated by October. Hahaha! Well, that's just how I love Christmas. Anyway, I can't wait wrap to presents, to prepare the menu and to decorate the house. I think it will be a red Christmas this year. =D

Yay!

Facial Cream

I am very happy with the new facial cream I have. I happened to pick it out at the mall and thought I would try it out. I was not particular about "anti-aging", "younger skin", "turning back time" thing. After all, I am not that vain. I just wanted something to help even out my skin tone. I have blotches on my face. I used to pick it when I would see blackheads or whiteheads or pimples. You don't have to tell me to stop doing that because I know I shouldn't but I can't help myself. Besides, my mom reprimands me enough as it is. So yeah, I had dark spots and if they grew any darker, it would look like I had a lopsided checkerboard on my face. Anyway, when I was in the beauty aisle, I thought I could try the facial cream. I have already tried several others in the past but they were either too greasy, too strong, didn't work and who knows what else. But this one, after only several days of use, I noticed some changes immediately. I saw that my pores became a lot smaller (thus lesser blackheads and whiteheads - yay!) and the spots on my cheeks evened out. I thought to myself, "Am I imagining this or does this cream really work?" Could it be that I finally found the facial cream for me? Anyway, after several more uses, I realized that I was NOT imagining things. My face was indeed starting to be blotch-free. Even my sister noticed. And because I was really happy with the product, I told Ruther to use it to minimize his facial pores. He was not at all skeptical because he knows I'm not into beauty regimens so he believes me when I say that this facial cream works. Well, for me at least. Not only that, it didn't even cost me an arm and a leg! Yup, my beauty cream is here to stay... =D

Guilty

I was SO glad when I heard Joseph Estrada's verdict yesterday: Guilty for plunder. I was really happy about that, I no longer minded the not guilty verdict for perjury. I mean, what's perjury compared to plunder? I'm not really a political fan but I DO believe in justice. I believe that if you had the guts to do something bad or unlawful or sinful, then you should have the guts to accept the consequences of your actions. It's as simple as that. No need to get into the nitty gritty. No need for lawyer jargons and political words. When you look at it in black and white this is what it is: he commited a crime, therefore, he should be punished. It's good to know that there is still some justice in the Philippines. I hope other politikos will learn from this and realize, they cannot get away with their crimes whether it be here or in the afterlife. Karma will always find a way of settling the balance.

Driving Sticker

Today, I finally learned what those yellow and green stickers are called; you know, the ones Japanese put on their cars to warn other drivers of their inexperience on the road. They are called wakaba stickers. And according to my blogger friend Mieko, wakaba means, "young leaves". Interesting, isn't it? It actually does apply because the sticker looks a lot like a leaf and "young" represents the lack of expertise.

The first time I saw a wakaba sticker was when Ruther and I watched a Japanese drama. It really made an impression on me because here in the Philippines, the only way you could tell you are behind an inexperienced driver is because of a huge signboard on the car saying "CAUTION: Student driver" or you could see that it's a car owned by a driving school because of the painted signage on the car itself. However, for those drivers who are not yet savvy on the road, we really can't say who they are until they stall in the middle of the street or drive at the speed of my grandmother's gait. So yeah, I think these wakaba stickers are a great idea. I actually have a cellphone accessory that has a wakaba design but I gave it to my brother because he likes yellow and green together. He is however, a great driver so good thing he doesn't know what it meant. =D

I'm thinking, the next time I visit Daiso, I'm getting a wakaba sticker just because it's a great idea. I figure, I can always use it should I decide to live in Japan years from now. =D

"New" Phone

This is my "new" phone. It's not really brand new because I've been using it for almost 2 months now. I love it! It's not too techy and is just right for me. Unlike other people who thrive in having the latest and newest gadgets every other month, I'm not like that. I just would feel absolutely guilty about the expense and would never get over it should something happen to it or if it gets stolen. Come to think of it, when Ruther asked me if I wanted an Ipod (we were in Japan at this time) I told him, "I'm always at home sweetie. I could always use the radio or the pc if I want to listen to music." See? I'm definitely NOT materialistic. Anyway, this is the first time I've owned a Samsung phone. It's pretty much okay although the best brand for me is still a Sony Ericsson. But I'm still not complaining. For the price I paid for this baby (and it's NOT expensive), it's really well worth it.

Looking Forward

My dream of seeing Japan may not be farfetched after all. There may be a chance for me and the boys to go back next year, if everything goes right of course. I really hope it will push through. I really really really want to go back. I just don't know how depressed I'll be if that does not happen so I hope it won't come to that. That would just be so terrible. I know that Ruther's company will back us up and hopefully, the embassy will still be kind and grant us that very important visa. Oh, I'm SO looking forward to 2008 already!!

Love The Song

I love this song. I also recently listened to the Taiyou no Uta soundtrack and I really love it! I sooo love moving instrumental pieces. Anyway, this is will definitely be in my phone for a while...

Taiyou No Uta

Kaoru Amane

Furuete iru watashi no te ni

Hajimete kimi ga furete

Yasashii kimochi atatakasa ni

Yatto kizuitan da

Tozashita mado akereba

Atarashii kaze ga fuita

Waratte naite kimi to deaete

Mieru sekai wa kagayakidashita

Himawari yureru taiyou no shita de

Kanjite ita kaze wo kimi wo

Shinjiru koto mayou koto mo

Tachidomaru koto mo zenbu

Watashi ga ima koko de ikiteru

Kotae ka mo shirenai

Monokuro no mainichi ga

Irozuite yuku you ni

Waratte naite kimi to deaete

Tsuzuku mirai wa kagayaite ita

Himawari yureru taiyou no shita de

Watashi no mama ashita wo utau yo

Kagiri aru hibi wo tomaranai jikan wo

Dore dake aiseru kana?

Aiseru yo ne

Kimi ga ireba hikari sae mo

Sorasanai de

Waratte naite kimi to deaete

Tsuzuku mirai wa kagayaite ita

Himawari yureru taiyou no shita de

Watashi no mama ashita wo

Arigatou tsutaetai ima nara ieru yo

Sugoshita kisetsu mo wasure wa shinai yo

Himawari yureru taiyou no you ni

Watashi no uta kimi wo terasu yo

Watashi no mama kimi wo...

Translation:

You touched my trembling hand

For the first time

And I finally experienced

A gentle feeling of warmth
I opened the window that had been shut

And a new wind blew in
Laughing, crying, meeting you

The world I saw began to shine

Under the sun where the sunflowers swayed

I felt the wind, I felt you
Believing, being lost,

And stopping short, and everything

Maybe it’s all an answer

To why I’m alive here and now
Let my monochromatic days

Take on colour
Laughing, crying, meeting you

The future ahead of us was shining

Under the sun where the sunflowers sway

I sing about tomorrow as I am
How much can we love each other

In this unstoppable time, these limited days?

We can love each other, right?

When you're here,

I don't even turn away from the light
Laughing, crying, meeting you

The future ahead of us was shining

Under the sun where the sunflowers sway

I sing about tomorrow
I want to say thank you,

I can say it now

I won't forget the seasons we’ve spent

Like the sun the sunflowers sway under

My song will shine on you
For you, as I am...

What To Do

A very good friend of mine emailed me the other day. Apparently, she is having problems again with her husband. She tells me that he is "fooling around" again. And by "again" this is not the first nor the second time. Yup. He has cheated in the past. I already gave her advice before. I filled her in with options, with possibilities, with the consequences, with whatever I could think of short of knocking her head and telling her to leave the jerk and take her 3 kids with her. But apparently, she can't. She says she loves him too much.

I understand I cannot put myself in her shoes and therefore cannot judge her. After all, she is my dear friend. I SHOULD support whatever decision she has made and makes. But to be betrayed again and again? I was thinking about that and I asked myself, "Will I be able to stand up still if that happened to me?" "Will I be able to look into my husband's eyes and believe he loves me and only me?" I cannot understand how my friend could still be with her unfaithful husband. But again, I am not in her shoes. Maybe she is also thinking of her kids. Maybe she really finds it more painful to leave than to forgive him. I don't know. I'm running out of advice to give her because it seems to me, she will never leave the guy no matter how many times he cheats on her or "fools around".

I feel very sad for my friend. She and I were classmates in ballet (her mom was our teacher), she and I went to the same school and she and I were classmates in our classes and she and I formed so many memories together. She is one of the people I have always wished happiness and success. But I suppose it came with a price.

I haven't talked to my friend yet. I have been trying to but she tells me she threw her SIM away and says she will give me her new number soon. A few days ago, I read her blog and it seemed like she and her husband had a "talk" and it looks like they are okay. That to me is disconcerting because something like betrayal will require more than just "talk" to fix. This is deeply rooted and will need more intervention. I don't know what to do anymore. Is my friend really wanting to be hurt again and again (maybe not)? Does she feel she has more worth if her husband keeps coming back to her (probably)? Does she thrive in the moral support of friends and get satisfaction that people are backing her up (really not her personality)? I really don't know. As close as we are, there are some questions you just can't ask.

Sigh. I wonder what will happen to my friend's predicament. I wonder if it will and can be resolved still. But I'm quite sure that at the rate it's going, it's going to be anything but a happy ending.

Down In The Dumps

I'm in no mood to post something tonight. I'm just feeling really low due to so many things.

Hopefully tomorrow will be happier for me.

Christmas List

I have already started buying presents for Christmas. I'm happy to say that I am doing very well budget- and quality-wise. I really don't like to spend much during the holidays. But that doesn't mean I'm a scrooge either. I just like to find the best present for the person I have in mind. For Ruther's and my godchildren, I usually don't buy clothes because not only will they outgrow them, but I don't know their sizes and I'm sure their parents know which clothes suit their kids best. I don't want to give dresses or shirts only to find out that they don't fit or they do not like the design. So for them, I usually like to give books (which are priceless and really ageless) or something else they would appreciate when they are years older. For family, I always give them something they need but haven't bought for themselves. Last year I gave my sister a complete manicure and pedicure set. I noticed that whenever she came home in the weekends, we would do our nails together. We don't usually have our nails done in the salons because of well, sanitary reasons. Anyway, she loved the present. The year before that, I gave my brothers-in-law a big, soft Queen-sized pillow each. They loved that as well because their pillows were not looking too good. So I really am glad when the family appreciates my choice of presents for them. I find Ruther the most difficult person to give a present to because out of the 101 ideas I have I can only afford a few. So guiltily, I can only buy him something I could afford. I'm thinking of doing something different this year but I still don't know what it's going to be. I still hope that when December comes, he will appreciate my present still.

Anyway, I am already excited to complete the gift-buying. Hopefully by November, everyone will finally have presents and I will finally be able to wrap them and place them under the lighted Christmas tree.

Can't wait.

Yearning

WAAAAAH!! I want to go back to Japan!!!



Okay. I'm fine now.

Sushi

I have been thinking of getting Sushi a partner. I think she's lonesome being by herself although in a way, I think she enjoys being spoiled too. Sushi is getting so much bigger and even if I initially bought her for the boys, I feel that she is more my pet because I interact with her more and attend to her needs more. I also love her very much. She is really well-behaved, aside from the usual cord-chewing episodes. She is really affectionate and never bites. She only eats and drinks and sleeps and poo. Then we play with her a bit then she eats and drinks and sleeps and poo again. Ruther's Tita was here the other night and when she saw Sushi she asked me if she had a partner and I said none. She said that bunnies multiply rapidly and that gave me another idea. Why not breed rabbits? Hahaha! Okay I'm thinking waaay too forward but still, that's not a bad money-making scheme right? Only problem is, I would need a place to put all the cages and would have to see to all the bunnies' needs. Hmmm... I hope that won't be too hard. Anyway, first step at a time. Maybe in a month or so, I can get Sushi a partner. Hopefully it will be one she won't hate.

Christmas Memories

I am so excited for Christmas. Not only will this be another Christmas where we will be spending it together as a family, it will also be a new Christmas in a new home. Even if we only live with Mama and Papa, it's still wonderful to be able to decorate the house and to make new memories. I love tradition and I love family bonding. Those to me are very important which is why I love Christmas a lot. I have always had fond memories of Christmas when I was little. We would always have a family pictorial. My grandmother insisted on that. On Christmas eve, we would all be dressed up in splendid clothes and line up by family and my grandmother would hire a photographer to take the photos. So every year we get to see how much we've grown, the funny clothes way back when and how much my grandmother loved her family. I want that for my family too. I want us to spend EVERY Christmas together no matter what. I want Ruther to stop going out of the country so we could forge new traditions and new memories for the boys. Christmas to me, was never about the presents. It was always about family first and foremost. I also loved the wonderful dishes prepared and the laughs and smiles when we exchanged gifts. I loved the delight on my parents' faces when they appreciate the presents I get them. And I love going to midnight mass with my family. I know some of those things will change with my present family but I don't mind. Some will remain and some will change but what is most important is that we get to celebrate Christmas our way. And that to me is very special.

New Things

This photo was taken at a museum in Yamate. One day, after church, we decided to take a different route and decided to visit this place. It was really nice. I love museums and looking at how history unfolded. I love Japan and how there are many things and places to see. Even you have been to a place once, there are still some things, some sceneries you failed to see the first time especially since Japan has beautiful changing seasons. Everything always looks new to me. New and wonderful.

No Smoking

I am so in favor of the move UK is doing regarding putting graphic photos on cigarette packs to discourage smoking. (Read the article here.) I hate smoking and I hate cigarette smoke. I know I should think in the lines of "hate the object/deed/rule and not the person" and that's actually true but when that person lives with you and smokes in front of you, well, won't you feel indignant? Papa smokes. And I really and truly hate that. No one else in the family smokes except him. But he doesn't care. Everyone badgers him that he will die and still he doesn't care. I really and truly hate his smoking. No, I don't hate Papa. I just don't like it when I come out of the room and I smell cigarette smoke in the air. I also don't like it when I enter the bathroom and see ashes on the floor. It really disgusts me. When I smell the smoke, I can already see many lung cells dying inside me and I hate that because it certainly was not my choice to inhale that filthy air. I cannot even begin to express my disappointment at Papa when he smokes in front of the boys!! That to me is very very BAD! When that happens, I call the boys sharply to the room. I will NOT have them inhale smoke that can damage them and make them sick later on in life. No freaking way. I won't even care if he would feel hurt when I call the boys in. My first instinct is to make sure my boys are always safe. I am still hoping that my boys will not smoke when they are bigger. Of course, there is always no guarantee there but I will certainly do my best to dissuade them from doing so even if it means showing them actual necrotic lung tissue. Smoking should be banned. It's nothing but a filthy habit.