Happily In Love

Final Goodbye

I can never get over parting from you
It always makes me forever blue
I could never, ever know what to do
When you know that my life revolves around you.

When you are gone my life is hell
When you are gone I live in a shell
My love, you are my refuge from the pain
You keep me calm and safe and sane.

I don't want us to part again
I don't want to feel the pain again
I want to be with you forevermore
I want it to be like it was before

Let's hope and pray that tomorrow brings
Togetherness, memories and special things
Let's hope that one day, when the time is right
Our love will be whole and one and tight

Let's hope that this is our final adieu
Because without you life is subdued
My love, when you go I will miss you so
My heart will be frozen, until our "hello".


-yette; November 26, 2007; 9:34am

New Shows

Ruther has introduced me to 3 new shows and so far, here are my thoughts:


GOSSIP GIRL

I don't like this series much. Ruther tells me that it is similar to the O.C. and I also did not like that series much. In fact, I did not even finish it. I think I watched part of the second season then it got a bit too much for me and I just quit it. Gossip Girl reminds me of that tv series. It's just too glamour and little substance. And I'm not very fond of those kind of stories. I like my stories with depth and meaning and lessons and morals. I'm just that kind of girl. Despite my not liking the series much, having Kirsten Bell as the narrator is a huge plus so I'm giving it another chance.


PUSHING DAISIES

This one is a cute series and I love it! Anything that combines fantasy and romance and crime is my cup of tea. Plus, I think Ned (in the story) is cute (when I told Ruther this he raised his eyebrow at me). I think I have a crush on him. But I digress... Anyway, the story is quite unique and that was where my interest began. So far, I am enjoying this series and am looking forward to more episodes.




CHUCK

This one is an unexpected surprise. I thought it was going to be one of those corny and cheesy comedies but I was wrong. It IS funny but not in a corny way (I am SO not a fan of those kind of movies or series) and I love the suspense and criminal aspects in the story. It is witty without being too vulgar and the suspense just keeps me hanging on my toes. The characters are well-thought of and are really delightful. Another series I am looking forward to watching.

New Books

When Ruther, the boys and I went out last night, we dropped by Powerbooks and purchased some books for us. Here are our latest finds:






This one is Ruther's. Obviously. He adores this band and wanted to have this book for himself.






Baby Blues! I love Baby Blues! I am presently reading Dad to the Bone and it's really funny. When we bought these books, we discovered that we still have 3 more to buy to add to our collection so we decided to buy them one at a time (they cost around P500+ each!). I hope we won't run out of copies...


The Transformers comic is also Ruther's. The Gossip Girl book he decided to buy because of the tv series (same title). I already watched a few episodes but I don't like it that much. Too Hollywood, too glamour and little substance. I like my shows with lessons and a nice story. Like FRIENDS. =D Oh well...

New Shoes

I have got new shoes!! Ruther actually bought me a pair of Adidas from Japan but he said that they don't look too nice on my feet and look more like men's. So we decided to check the shoes at the malls and I told Ruther that I didn't want a pair that looked too much like rubber shoes. We were torn between a pair of Adidas, another Fila brand and then this pair of Nike's. After thinking about it, I decided on the Nike's because not only did they look good on my feet but they were on sale from P2,000+ marked down to P1,800. Not bad, aye? The Adidas were around P3000+, were too white and too rubber shoes-y. The Fila pair were too casual and did not look as good as the Nike's on my feet. So here are my new shoes!! So happy...

Together Again

So happy.

So in love.

So us.

Fat

For some weird reason in the past few days, I have been feeling FAT. I don't know if it's because Ruther's home and I am just more conscious about my looks, I don't know if it's because I haven't been exercising in weeks, I don't know if it's because my pesky Aunt said I should go on a diet, I don't know if it's because I look fat in my photos, I don't know if it's the bloaty feeling I get most of the day, I don't know if it's because I feel like I will never fit into my old clothes anymore and I don't know if it's because I feel like I am always surrounded by people thinner than me and that bugs me to no end.

I told Ruther that all my life I never felt thin. Growing up with a petite sister and a slim and sexy mother, I always felt like I was an Amazon woman. I was atheletic, chunky and tomboyish. I never detested my sister for that or the comparisons given us, but it affected my self-esteem - big time. I was always my worst critique and really, when I found a flaw, I focused on it and it just got worse and worse. After meeting Ruther, falling in love with him and then having a relationship with him, I learned to slowly accept who I was, how I was made and to let go of the things I know is beyond my control and to be happy and content. Because of this new attitude, I became less depressed, less pessimistic and more accepting of flaws. I felt that no matter what happens this is me and I am happy with who I am as long as I am a good person, as long as I am healthy and as long as I am with the ones that I love.

But a better understanding of who I am does not mean I can control my metabolism or my hormonal imbalances. And that irks me to no end. Of course, typical for women with my body type and metabolic rate, I do question my body type. I wonder about the what ifs and the perhaps. I imagine the probabilities and the possibilities. But as always, I crash back into Earth with the reality of huge arms, a jelly belly and even slower metabolism. It sucks, really. I have no idea how much more activity I should do to even make a dent in my weight-loss goals. I don't even know when my battle with losing weight began but it feels like it has been on-going forever. I know I should make it a goal because of course, I am not getting any younger and I DO have to prepare myself for the eventuality of sickness or illnesses especially those that run in the family, but there are days when I just want to get it over with. I want to be able to get into a bathing suit and not worry about eyes on me. I want to go out of the house in a sleeveless top and not worry about my huge arms. I want to wear whatever makes me confortable without making others uncomfortable. Is that so difficult to want? Or to have? Sigh.

Okay, I know I'm venting but it's just been so trying. I know when I wake up tomorrow, it'll be another fight. It'll be another day when I watch what I eat, when I take note of my physical activity, when I recall if I took my folic acid and calcium, when I eat too much sweets or pastries. I guess, in reality, I have to be thankful that until now, I haven't had any serious illness or sickness. And yes, I really AM grateful for that. But I wish that in the future, I could at least go back to my old size even if I won't be model-thin.

Be my moral support? I think I'm gonna need it.

Me and You

A part of you has grown in me. And so you see, it's you and me together forever and never apart, maybe in distance, but never in heart. - Anonymous

Never let go of hope. One day you will see that it all has finally come together. What you have always wished for has finally come to be. You will look back and laugh at what has passed and you will ask yourself... 'How did I get through all of that? - Anonymous

I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're in each other's dreams, we can be together all the time. - from Calvin and Hobbes

Today...

...I wonder what yummy food I'll be cooking Ruther for dinner.

...I still can't believe Ruther is finally home.

...I feel so guilty for not following up on the lessons of the boys.

...I will say goodbye to Mommy because she will have an early flight tomorrow and I might be able to wake up to say goodbye then.

...I am still overwhelmed with all the things that has happened and has been happening these past days.

...I miss visiting my blogger friends.

...I realized all the more that there is nothing more important in my life than Ruther.

Can't Wait

I'm so excited to see you sweetie! In a day's time we will be together again! I hope we will make the most of our time together until we part again next year. But until then, here's to more memories, to more romance, and to more love.

I love you baby - my life, my love, my soul.

Reminiscing

This photo was taken at Minato Mirai 21 while Ruther, the boys and I were having a stroll. I think that being a first timer in Japan, I just was too afraid to go out on my own during the first 3 months. If it were only me, I would not be too scared to get lost but since the boys were with me, I just could not risk it. But of course, now that I know my way around most of Yokohama, I think that the next time I visit Japan, I will be more adventurous.

Yup, that is a promise.

Sleeps With Butterflies

by Tori Amos


Airplanes
Take you away again
Are you flying
Above where we live
Then I look up a glare in my eyes
Are you having regrets about last night
I'm not but I like rivers that rush in
So then I dove inIs there trouble ahead
For you the acrobat
I won't push you unless you have a net

You say the word
You know I will find you
Or if you need some time
I don't mind
I don't hold on
To the tail of your kite
I'm not like the girls that you've known
But I believe I'm worth coming home to
Kiss away night
This girl only sleeps with butterflies
With butterflie
sSo go on and fly then boy

Balloons
Look good from on the ground
I fear with pins and needles around
We may fall then stumble
Upon a carousel
It could take us anywhere

I'm not like the girls that you've known
But I believe I'm worth coming home to
Kiss away night
This girl only sleeps with butterflies
With butterflies
With butterflies
So go on and fly boy

Reunion

Mommy will be coming to Manila on the 6th and I am so excited to see her. The last time I saw Mommy was in June and it seems like a long way back. When she comes, this will also be the only time I will be seeing her before Christmas so I'm glad that she will be coming even if only it's because of her annual check-up and mammography. I have already asked her to bring me and the boys some pasalubong and according to my dad (who called tonight), she bought them already. Hahaha! Talk about being excited. =D We are already planning our shopping trips for our Christmas shopping and I am so looking forward to that! =D

A Thousand Hands

When my sis, bro and I came home from a 3-week trip to Macau years back, we brought home as pasalubong for my mom this (really heavy!) statue of a goddess. That goddess was called The Goddess with A Thousand Hands and really, she had a LOT of arms around her. Lately, here at home, I have been wishing that that goddess would loan me some of her arms so that I could get all the work here at home done. I have been thinking that since a few weeks ago, I have been perpetually fixing and cleaning and arranging stuff and yet, it seems like it would never end. Of course, I cannot just ask help from anyone because they too have their own fixing and cleaning and arranging to do so I have no choice but to do everything myself. Not only that, I would want to know where everything is so that when the time comes when I need something, I'll know exactly where to get them. That is prctical, right? But really really time-consuming. I really love keeping house and cleaning and organizing, but it's just that there's just so much to do at one time it IS a bit overwhelming. I would rather do things bit by bit but with Ruther only a week away from coming home, I might as well get on with it...

Resentful

I am currently feeling a bit resentful. About what? About so many things. But primarily about why Ruther and I have to be apart. Why do we have to live this kind of life? Is it really the best we can do right now? Is there really no other option for us? Why do I have to endure months and months of separation for money? Is this really worth it? Is living apart worth having a good life? Why are other families better off? Why are they permitted to be together with the support of employers and other important people? Why aren't we the same? Why is it that I have to endure this again and again when I hate it so much? I just want this to stop. I want the separation to end. I want my family to be together. To finally be together. Is that so much to ask for? Is that too big a request? What should I do for that to happen? How can I remain hopeful that the future will not entail more separations, more loneliness and more sadness? I just hate this. I hate it I hate it I hate it.

Please God, let it end.