Choices

There are times when I wonder about the choices I made in life. There are moments when I think, "Should I have done differently? Should I have picked this path? Or should I have listened to others' opinions?" Thinking this way does not show regret. Well, for me at least. I just think it's healthy to look back and weigh the decisions that I have made before and gauge if it was indeed for the best or of there is something else, another option that is supposedly better for me or my family. If so, then I take a new road. If not, then I continue on my path.

Today, one of those choices (homeschooling) has once again come up into the open. Deciding to homeschool that boys has been so far, the toughest choice I have ever made but definitely one I do not regret and will always appreciate. For me, homeschooling is not just teaching the boys academics and subjects and lessons. For me, it is much bigger. I teach them values, interpersonal and intrapersonal relationships, fun and play, etc. For me, sacrificing a career is well worth the effort I am giving towards homeschooling my boys. And this is despite the disapproval of some family members.

Anyway, at the mall, the boys were once again in a play center. Being a Sunday, a lot of kids were about, so I decided to keep a close eye on them. Ethan was busy watching a Dora episode and Nikki was taking turns on the slide. A few minutes after that, while Nikki was atop the meter(or so)-high slide ready to sit and slide down, a boy behind him suddenly PUSHED him. I do not exaggerate the "push". It was so strong, Nikki toppled over and fell on the left side of the slide. I (almost) screamed "OH MY GOD!!!" And rushed to Nikki. It was a good thing the floor was padded, the slide was low and the side of the slide broke Nikki's fall or it could have been a lot worse. In my mind's eye, I could see Nikki falling in slow motion as I tried to hurry towards him. It was a really sickening feeling. Fortunately too, the mom quickly and sharply reprimanded her son. If she didn't I would have scolded him myself but instead, I just told the boy to "Play nice next time, ha?" Then I asked Nikki if he was okay. He tearfully said he was and I told him to keep an eye on mean kids. I want him to learn to be resilient in situations like this. I want him to know that should anything happen to him, I will be there but he should also learn to stand on his own.

What happened today made me realize that focusing on my boys and watching them grow is more important than sending them to schools and exposing them to bullies and other negative things. It made me realize that choosing to homeschool is still my choice at this time. Sure, the boys need to experience these things to learn how to deal with them but I want to make sure that they are ready for it. I want to make sure that no matter what they encounter, their self-esteem remains intact and they always know right from wrong. If my kids grow up to be respectful, God-fearing boys, then I know I'm on the right track.