10 Thoughts for Today

1. I'll miss Tita Nicki and our chats, our exchanges, all our intellectual talks. I already miss her presence here in the house and she's been gone for only 3 hours! She has become an important figure in my life recently and from now on, she will always be a part of it.

2. I don't think I can finish fixing everything in the room in time for Ruther's return. There's just TOO many things to do!!

3. I have a headache.

4. I have to buy more things for the room: lamp, electric fan, mop, mat, bed linens, etc.

5. I don't think I can sleep in the room alone. It would just be too lonesome and I'm afraid that if I'll be all alone I'll just cry myself to sleep.

6. I hope that Ruther and I would never ever have to be apart ever again.

7. I hate my feet. My cracked heels are an eyesore! I have to fix that because I would hate not having to wear flipflops just because my heels are cracked. (And okay, yucky.)

8. I want a second honeymoon with Ruther. Anywhere.

9. I want to go to Japan.

10. I want the next 20 years to be all planned out with no surprises and no separations.

Elections

Today is another voting day. And I won't be voting. This is not only because I'm not registered, but also because I really don't know anyone in the voting list. Why would I waste my vote for someone whom I don't know? Should I risk giving it to someone who would usurp his position and take advantage of ignorant people? I just think that the risk is too great to just give a random vote.

I have voted only once in my entire life. Sometimes, I wonder if I should force myself to be more interested in politics so I could know more about the government and the system. But really, it so disgusts me. There is a certain disquietude in the thought that I am leaving my hopes and the hope of the country in the hands of (most probably) corrupt people. It's disconcerting that they have the power to get richer through illegal means while the people who pay taxes live from paycheck to paycheck and try to give their families a better lifestyle. It's actually very sad.

I'm not really worried about not voting. I know that those who will vote will probably make a better and wiser choice than me doing an eenie-meenie-miney-mo on the ballot. So yeah, no matter how the election turns out, I know that life will still go on tomorrow.

SIGH

Missing my love every minute of everyday...

Come home soon, baby...

Anticipation

My days were all full of sadness
Not to mention a bit of madness
When months before we parted ways
Which left me in a perpetual daze

This parting keeps tearing me apart
I feel the pain with each beat of my heart
My tears spill from all of me
I cannot think or hear or see

I close my eyes and think of you
And my senses all tingle anew
The days pass by and so I yearn
and anticipate my love's return.

I'm lost without you, I don't know what to do
I never knew I could be this blue
I've missed you through goodbyes and hellos
I've missed you more than you'll ever know

I can't wait to be in your arms
And once more be filled with your charms
When we kiss I'll know for sure
That my lonely heart is finally cured.



-yette; 11:26pm, October 26, 2007

Time

In 6 days, October 2007 will be no more. Isn't that amazing? Tomorrow becomes today and then becomes yesterday. Not unless something special happened on that day, it will then be forgotten, lost in the past. Paul Bowles said:

... we get to think of life as an inexhaustible well. Yet everything happens only a certain number of times, and a very small number, really. How many more times will you remember a certain afternoon of your childhood, some afternoon that's so deeply a part of your being that you can't even conceive of your life without it? Perhaps four or five times more. Perhaps not even that. How many more times will you watch the full moon rise? Perhaps twenty. And yet it all seems limitless.

I sometimes wonder where time goes. Where does it wait for tomorrow? What does it do when today comes? Where does it retire to when it becomes yesterday? I wonder if time never gets tired of this endless cycle. I wonder if it also feels the slowness of days and the speed of the years gone by. I wonder if it revels at the changes in the world since it began eons ago. I wonder if it looks forward to the distant future when the destruction of the earth is inevitable. Time is like a long-lost friend. Sometimes you think about him and other times you don't realize that he's just there beside you.

.....

For everything there is a season,
And a time for every matter under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to seek, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to throw away;
A time to tear, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate,
A time for war, and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Pinoy Big Brother Celebrity Edition 2

Oh my god. I am SO addicted to this show! It's so weird because once the tv is on that show, I just can't get away. Scary right? But I really can't help it because the housemates (HMs) this time are all so interesting (perhaps with the exception of Zara at this time). It's just so funny and dramatic and weird and just a mix of emotions. I like watching how the HMs handle their situation, how they live day to day with each other, how they get along, how they cope, how they respond to Big Brother's challenges, etc. It's just very entertaining. But of course, I would not want my kids to watch this at their young age. There are still some things I find uncomfortable in the show that I would not want them to see or hear. But anyway, I am sure that I will keep on watching this show until it ends. Hopefully, the winner will be someone worth the prize.

Latest Read

I finished reading this book a few days ago. I like Mary Higgins Clark and I thank my mom for introducing her works to me. When I was in Zamboanga and for lack of things to do, I decided to browse through our library and got one of her books. It was a great choice. And now I try to read as much of her works as possible. This book, A Cry in The Night, is about a woman who falls in love with an artist and from there she gets into a life filled with terror that is linked to the past. All I'll say now is that it's really suspenseful. Really great. Hopefully, I'll be able to find more Mary Higgins Clark books at Booksale. =D

'Til They Take My Heart Away

This is one of my favorite songs. I love it so much. I always think of Ruther when I hear this song. I even sing this at karaoke! I don't think I'll ever get fed up of this.

Til They Take My Heart Away
Claire Marlow


I look into your eyes, so far away
There's trouble on your mind, you're losing faith
Hey now, let me hold you, it'll be OK
Cause I will love you till they take my heart away

Remember when you called and said goodbye
You thought we'd lost it all and so did I
But even if I'd lost you, I would feel the same
I will love you till they take my heart away

Believe I'm here to stay
I will love you till they take my heart away

Now we're stronger than before, we've made it through
I've never felt more sure because of you
Hey now, are you listening, can you hear me say?
I will love you till they take my heart away

(instr. bridge)
Believe in me, I'm here to stay
I will love you till they take my heart away

Shorts

I was at the mall today and I was trying to look for a decent-looking pair of shorts for me because well, I can't really deny that it has been quite warm these past few days and wearing jeans is just too icky for me. So I checked some of the boutiques and aside from looking for something my size is next to impossible, the prices are quite shocking! The sizes are a problem because although most of the clothes come in S, M, L and XL sizes and I sometimes could fit into the L size, I would prefer wearing something less restricting so I always want to settle for an XL size and that, they usually do not have, which is of course, very disappointing and frustrating. As for the prices, a pair of shorts for P350?!! And this is not from a well-known fashion boutique! I was quite dismayed about that. I know some people might think I am cheap but I just don't want to get something that I would feel guilty later on because it costs so much. I just want to be able to enjoy my clothes without thinking "Whoops! I can't spill catsup on this because this cost me P1000!" I just don't like that kind of worry. When I became a mom, I learned to dress down, to be more flexible and to be more conscious of what I wear so that it's functional and fashionable at the same time. Sigh.

And I was SO looking forward to getting new shorts today...

Nativity

I bought this wind-up Nativity scene a few weeks ago. It was just so cute and I always love having a Nativity as part of the Christmas decorations. This one only cost me P199 (approximately US$4.50)! I actually wanted to get one more for my mom but I was not sure if she would like it and it would be a waste if she won't appreciate it. Anyway, this Nativity plays Silent Night and it is very pretty. Five figures move along to the music: the 2 shepherds, 2 of the 3 kings and St. Joseph. Ethan is enthralled with Baby Jesus. He keeps on saying "Look! It's a baby!" He's so cute! =D

What Kind Of Candy Are You?

This is who I am:

Reeses Peanut Butter Cups

Very popular, one of you is not enough.

What Kind of Candy Are You?

I'm not too fond of Reese's though. I love Milky Way but I haven't seen any of those here any more. Maybe in PX goods stores. I also like Snickers. Anything caramel-y would be great. Just not chocolate and caramel only. It would be entirely too sweet for my sweet tooth (if there is such a thing!).

Autumn

10 Things I Love (and Miss) About Autumn:

1. the falling leaves that carpet the ground from the many trees
2. the wonderful shades of orange, yellow, red and brown that fill my vision with color and life
3. dressing warmly, wearing my really handy ear muffs and my gloves
4. cuddling on cold nights with my lovey (okay, and my boys as well)
5. hot chocolate that warms my insides and my heart
6. shorter days and longer nights
7. the autumn sun (believe me, there's a difference)
8. visiting the parks to photograph the wonderful foliage (and people)
9. the really cold water that comes out of the tap and shocks me to the core
10. holding hands and hugging while strolling with my sweetie

See you soon, Autumn? =D

Aging Gracefully

I read this article and thought that it had a nice way of describing "aging" and how one could slow it down. Since I am not one of those searching for the fountain of youth, I think that this article suits me and what I want in life: to age gracefully.


How to Slow Down Your Body's Aging
Deepak Chopra

Q: How can I reverse my body aging?

A: There are three types of aging – chronological age (which is your age according to your date of birth), biological age (which is measured by looking at certain bio markers), and psychological age (which is dependent on your attitude.)

It is now known that psychological age correlates more closely to biological age than chronological age. If you have the attitude that you get better as you grow older in every way – physically, emotionally, spiritually and socially, then you will age in a much more graceful manner.The well known biological markers of aging include: blood pressure, bone density, body temperature regulation, basal metabolic rate, immune function, sugar tolerance, muscle mass, muscle strength, skin hickness (amount of wrinkles) immune function, and sex hormone levels.

If you want to slow down or even reverse these bio markers of aging, then practice one or more of the following:

1. Change your perception of time. Don't be in a hurry.
2. Get restful sleep.
3. Eat fresh, nutritious food.
4. Take at least two multivitamins with minerals every day.
5. Practice a mind body technique such as yoga or tai chi.
6. Exercise regularly.
7. Don't put toxins in your life, including toxic food, toxicemotions, toxic relationships, and avoid toxic environments or toxic relationships.
8. Have a flexible attitude to minor hassles.
9. Look at so-called problems as opportunities.
10. Nurture loving relationships.
11. Always have an attitude of curiosity, learning, and wonder and spend time with children.

I'm Falling for You

I watched this movie this afternoon. It's okay I suppose. I wasn't expecting anything dramatic or really deep because well, with Kim and Gerald as the stars, I was thinking it was going to be a teenybopper movie. I suppose in a way it was. It was quite light and the kilig (mushy) moments were not over the top so I was quite glad about that. But I still wish that the storyline would have been better.

Oh well... On to the next film...

Snoopy

This is me with the biggest stuffed Snoopy I have ever seen in my life. Of course, this was right outside the Snoopy store. It was just sooo cute! Anyway, we had a family trip to Odaiba (a place in Japan) and I had loads of fun. One day was not enough at all and I was so disappointed when we had to go home come evening. Too bad. Hopefully we will be able to visit the place should we make it to Japan again next year...

Think of Me (Phantom of the Opera)

Another one of my favorite songs...


Think of Me

Think of me, think of me fondly,
When we've said goodbye.
Remember me once in a while
Please promise me you'll try.

When you find that, once again, you long
To take your heart back and be free
If you ever find a moment,
Spare a thought for me

We never said our love was evergreen,
Or as unchanging as the sea
But if you can still remember
Stop and think of me . . .

Think of all the things we've shared and seen
Don't think about the way things might have been . . .

Think of me, think of me waking,
Silent andresigned.
Imagine me, trying too hard
To put you from my mind.

Recall those days
Look back on all those times,
Think of the things we'll never do
There will never be a day when
I won't think of you . .

RAOUL
Can it be?
Can it be Christine?
Bravo!

Long ago,
It seems so long ago,
How young and innocent we were
She may not remember me,
But I remember her.

Flowers fade,
The fruits of summer fade,
They have their seasons, so do we.
But please promise me that sometimes
You will think...
Of me!

Age and Vanity

I brought Nikki to the doctor's yesterday to have his sores checked. I wanted to know the diagnosis because I wanted to know what to do and how to treat Nikki's skin infection. Anyway, when Nikki was being checked by the doctor, I explained what happened and which sore came first. After giving the medical history, the doctor said that it most probably is impetigo and Nikki will have to take medicine (antibiotics) for it. I said, okay. And the doctor wanted to find out of I was the mom and I said "yes" and he said "talaga?!" (really?!) and followed that with "ilang taon na kayo?" (how old are you?) and I said I was 31. He looked thoughtful after that and I'm not sure how young he thought I was or if he thought I was an aunt looking after the boys or something. But I didn't ask anymore.

I'm not a vain person. When I hit my knees on the edge of the table and I get a bruise there or if I pick my face to remove a blackhead and it turns into a dark spot, I don't obsess about it. I'm just not like that. When I see a pimple on my face, I grumble about it but I don't fear going out of the house or being self-conscious about it. Also, I do not have a model body. Far from it, actually. I don't have skinny legs or flawless complexion. What I do try to have though is confidence and good fashion sense. And I don't know if that shows but it DOES feel nice to get appreciative looks at my age. It's nice to hear compliments from strangers (of course, not the lewd ones) and it's nice to know that I have not become losyang (dowdy) as many married women fear they would be when they become domesticated. So yeah, it was nice when the doctor reacted that way yesterday. It was nice to know that I don't look way beyond my age despite not having a regular beauty regimen. Well, except for that facial cream I was using recently. Maybe it really does work (I knew it!). I feel so fortunate for finding the right facial cream for me. Really. It's been years since I last used facial cream and the last one, well, let's just say I only used it for less than a week because it didn't suit me at all. Anyway, I wonder if my new disposition in life, my wonderful facial cream and my stay-at-home status are the reasons for my "youthful" glow. =D

Painting Books

National Bookstore has some books on sale and one day, when I checked it out, I found these neat painting books that were half the price (only P197.50)!! Of course I HAD to get them. I know I won't be painting anytime soon yet, but still, these books are indispensable and besides, Ethan could always use them for future art classes. I really think Ethan is artistically-inclined and I want to hone that. Hopefully, he will discover whatever talents he has and stick to it and be successful. Just as long as he's happy. After all, that's what I want for my boys... To find their place in this world, to be happy about what they are doing and to contribute something to the world or to society. Anyway, am looking forward to my next artwork. I'm also thinking of getting my mom some of these books because she took art lessons a year ago and I think she will love having these... =D

A Love Story

I watched this movie the other day and it was nice. I used to watch some cheesy movies on PBO (Pinoy Box Office) on cable tv and it always left a bitter aftertaste in my mouth. But this movie was creatively done. It was actually refreshing. Although I think Aga has been portrayed too much in Philippine movies, I think Maricel Soriano and Angelica Panganiban. I think all in all it had just the right flavor. It was not overly dramatic and there was none of the usual slapping and hair-pulling as seen in local movies. The only thing that made me wonder was how the marriage had problems. My question was: When did the marriage reach the point of destruction which led the husband to accept and love the other woman? So yeah, that one was not clear for me but still, the movie was wonderfully done. I wish there will be more movies like this in the future...

Wonderful Read

I finished reading this book the other day: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis. I must say, the movie was 100% faithful to the book and I am quite happy about that. It really is fun to just read something as light and as fun as this, that takes you away to a very imaginative place where you can be alone with your thoughts for a few hours. As always, I get so disappointed when a very good book comes to an end. Hopefully, I can get my hands on more C.S. Lewis creations...

New Haircut

I was supposed to go to the dentist yesterday but the clinic was closed. Since I haven't been to other dental clinics in our subdivision, I thought of postponing the appointment to today. So, instead of having my tooth filled, I decided to get a haircut. I had no style in mind so I just told the hairdresser to chop off the ends, layer it a bit and fix my bangs. I still don't know if my hairsyle is all right and if I'm happy with it but Ruther liked it. Russell (my brother-in-law) however, didn't like my bangs but since he doesn't have good fashion sense, I'm not too worried about his criticism. Despite having the haircut yesterday, my hair still seems long and yet, I'm not tying it up now. Maybe it's because my head feels lighter now that 3 inches were chopped off from the ends. It also feels nice having shorter hair without worries that my strands will get caught in the fan or I'll have a bunch of hair on the floor after they fall off my head. One strand can seem like a lot when it's more than a foot long. Anyway, I might have to learn to properly style my hair. I really don't have the patience for that. The maximum time of hair-fixing for me should be 5 minutes tops. Longer than that is just too bothersome. Anyway, I have yet to hear what my mom thinks about my current style. =D


PS. Remember my post about my facial cream? Well, you can see in this photo that it works! No more black spots on my face!! See? I wasn't jesting when I said it works well for me. =D

Para Lang Sa 'Yo (Just for You)

by Aiza Seguerra


Noo’y umiibig na ako
Subalit nasaktan ang puso
Parang ayko nang umiibig pang muli
May takot na nadarama
Na muli ay maranasan
Ayoko nang masaktan muli ang puso ko

Ngunit ng ikaw ay makilala
Biglang nagbago ang andarama

Chorus
Para sa’yo
Ako’y iibig pang muli
Dahil sa’yo
Ako’y iibig nang muli
Ang aking puso’y pag-ingatan mo
Dahil sa iyo’y muling magmamahal sa’yo
Para lang sa’yo

Muli ay aking nadama
Kung paano ang umibig
Masakat man ang nakaraa’y malimot na …
Ang tulad mo’y naiiba
At sa’yo lamang nakita
Ang tunay na pag-ibig na aking hinahanap

Buti na lang ika’y nakilala
Binago mo ang nadarama

(Chorus)

Bridge
Ako’y di na muling mag-isa
Ikaw na nga ang hinihintay ng puso ko

(Chorus)

Teleseryes (TV Soaps)

I don't know why I love watching teleseryes. It must be because of the drama. It must be because of the lessons. It also must be because I learn more Tagalog words when I do so. But probably one reason why I really enjoy watching them is because the Filipino ways and values and traditions are always portrayed in the story. And I love that. The closeness of family, the value of hardwork, the unimportance of money, the presence of God in our lives... all those and more. I love that despite the somewhat overdramatic villains, I am happy that good always prevails in the end. I am such a sucker for happy endings. I am currently following 2 teleseryes on ABS-CBN and I am enjoying them a lot. Even Ruther's aunt (Tita Nicki) and cousin (Natasha) who are from Australia love our teleseryes. Tita Nicki sometimes asks me to translate some of the difficult Tagalog words and I really admire her for her interest in our dramas. Sometimes, the stories can be so dull, sometimes it can drag onwards until you just want to end. But I must say, the teleseryes have improved over the years. Before, a story could last for almost a year but lately, 6 months is already considered too long. I like the teleseryes short. The stories should always be interesting and always thrilling. Sometimes, when I lose interest in a teleserye, I give it up, just like that. I don't bother watching if it gets dull. I just don't want to waste (what I perceive to be) my important time on something no longer interesting (like Lost, I gave it up ages ago). Hopefully, these 2 teleseryes I'm watching won't become dull or boring. I would really love to see how they end. =D

Classmates

This is a photo of some of my classmates during college/university. If you can't find me, I'm in the middle of the group (with the big smile). I love my college friends. I learned a lot from them and I was able to strengthen my personality and be more self-reliant because of them. Growing up with my High School friends was different because we belonged to the same world, to the same city. In college, I met people from different cities, with different personalities, with different views of the world. It was a bit intimidating at first but I learned to value my own uniqueness and I learned to lean on my own morals, to be resilient with peer pressure and to do what I perceive to be right. I must say, despite not being 100% content with my choice of college course, I learned to love it and learned a lot from my teachers and friends. I'm not worried about not following that career path any more. Those 6 years of college life was a lesson in itself and I know whatever God's plan is for me will be another learning (and fun) experience.

Reality Check

I have never been worried about aging. As the years pass by and as I continue to celebrate my birthdays, I never thought about wrinkles, looking old or greying hair. Well, maybe I thought about those things, but I never obsessed about them. I suppose it's really not in my nature to be overly concerned about these things. I suppose, I am more worried about how to properly homeschool my boys, how to arrange our future so that Ruther and I won't be apart, how to plan for a business later on in life, how to make life more meaningful for my family, how to keep my family happy, etc. I DO worry about the aging people I see around me. When I see my dad look exhausted after work with the tired lines on his face more prominent, I get scared and get a sharp pinch in my heart. When I see my mom (beautiful as she is) with less bounce on her heels, less energy and more ailments, I worry as much as she does. I am scared of how long my family will be with me. I am so scared of that notion that I try NOT to think about it but I know I will have to face that later on. But not now.

I live with my in-laws. Sometimes, when they go out, they tell me, "Pupunta lang kami sa patay" (we are attending a wake) or "Makikilibing lang kami" (we're going to a funeral). Sometimes, this sort of thing happens every month, which to me, is a bit disconcerting because of all the deaths happening. After seeing Mama and Papa attend so many of these dismal functions, I told myself, "If the time comes when I am attending more funerals and wakes than birthdays and celebrations, I will know that I am already old." I don't know why I despise death. Maybe it's just not my thing. Maybe I just like living.

As the years go by, I am not worried about looking old. Rather I am worried about getting sick. I would not want to die because of an illness. I would want to die through God's gracious hands and peacefully. I even do not want to have a wake or a funeral. I think that is too commercial these days. When I die, I want to be cremated, put in a very unique urn and permanently placed on a family altar. I don't want depressing music to be played. I want something that speaks of hope and joy and love and remembrance. Yes, I do not want to be mourned. I want to be remembered. I want it to be a family reunion. No crying, no wailing. I want chatting and talking and eating and reminiscing. Yes, that's how my funeral is going to be.

I am only in my 30s and yet, I am already thinking about death. I know some people might think that I am overly dramatic, but we never know when our time will be. To be honest, I cannot say I am ready to die because I still have a life to live with Ruther, I want to see my boys reach their potential and I want to see so much of the world. So yeah, if I live to be a hundred, that would be a miracle in itself.